Aristotle wrote, “Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet.” I just saw that quote tonight just as I was searching my soul, the Bible, and the web for encouragement for patience. I was praying about matters of the heart not long ago, and it was like God whispered to my heart, “Be patient….” Some days, most days really, I struggle with that. I was struggling with it tonight and that quote hit my twitter feed. It helped. God is good.

My Mom was texting with me the other day and commented how she knows how much I would like to get married again someday, but I shouldn’t because my “Dream World” life would vanish quickly. She was implying that women can, and often do, suck the life out of their men. Mom says it’s sad but true.

I have a good bachelor’s life. I have a job I love making good, not great but good, money. I have a wonderful, if small, condo in a brilliant neighborhood called Atlantic Station. It’s near the top (one floor down) of a high rise building in which I have a gorgeous view of Atlanta. I have no credit cards. No real debt. I don’t even own a car – I don’t really need one in day-to-day life. Atlantic Station has everything I absolutely need for the day-to-day. Google it. Life is good, and I am blessed. I realize this 100%. However, here is how I responded to her:

“Everything is give and take. I don’t consider my life a “dream world”. I am blessed, but I would trade it all in an instant for a regular house in a regular neighborhood if I were blessed with a great woman and some kids. It would have to be a great woman, though. I pray about it, but I guess we’ll see what God’s plan is for me. In the meantime, I am happy with my blessings right now. It’s just not my ultimate hope or dream.”

So I have many blessings, and I’m thankful for them. I am a lot more blessed than so many other people. But no one cuddles with me in my bed, or looks me in the eyes and says they love me. And I always thought there would be at least one person on the earth by now who would be calling me Dad. I’m going to be 44 in just 5 days. That doesn’t seem possible, but it is.

Anyway – I’m thankful for a lot today. But I’m also here alone, as I always am. God is with me, and I am comforted, but I wish my one were here, who ever she is, to smile at me and whisper that she loves me.

That is what I’m thinking about tonight, as I lay me down to sleep…..

Oh, and one more thing. My stats system is saying that someone in Russia is coming to the blog here everyday. Why would someone in Russia care what I have to say? Leave me a comment sometime and let me know, please.

B

Blah. Just feeling the chasm. It sucks. But I guess, really, it doesn’t matter. At all.

Blah. I just hope that the upcoming election day is not insane because I’m just not feeling it. At all. Feeling it less than zero, folks.

I just wish I could feel what I want to feel, and it be what should be and what’s right. I try to keep on believing, but I guess that’s just something I’m not feeling tonight either. So – blah.

Blah. That’s all I have for you tonight, as that’s all life has had for me lately – blah. Just another glorious day.

Okay – forget about Parting Thoughts. I’ve changed my mind once again. I’m often posting my closing thoughts for the day on Twitter (@maplejar). So now I’m going to do “Random Thoughts” here instead. Instead of posting from bed only with closing thoughts, I’m just going to post from wherever I am when inspiration strikes. Right now, I am sitting upon the toilet. Yes!

Random thoughts for right now – It’s the things that aren’t clear, that I don’t know for sure about one way or the other, that eat at me the most.

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in having a connection at first sight. Like you sense there are possibilities with this person that you just don’t have with 99.9% of the people you meet. It’s not just about physical attraction – that happens nearly every day. This is something else – something deeper – that happens maybe just a handful if times in your life.

I felt connected to her the instant I saw her, but the questions are – should I? Should we?

Anyway – I guess all I can really do is be me, and we’ll see what happens. I want her in my life regardless. I hope that will be possible in the end, no matter what happens….

Technically it’s 10/22, but I haven’t gone to bed yet so it’s still Sunday night to me. Getting ready to do just that – go to bed that is. Starting a new trend for me tonight – Parting Thoughts. Here are my prevalent thoughts for tonight.

I wish life and love didn’t have to be so hurtful, elusive, frustrating, and sorrowful. Happiness is more alien to us than any “other worldly” being could ever be.

Goodnight, goodnight – parting is such sweet sorrow. That I will say goodnight until it be ‘morrow….

Well it’s almost the end of March now, and I’m finally getting to the point where I’m going to finally write this recap, and post my My Beautiful Women of 2011 list. I’ve been really busy. I spent the last part of 2011 playing the Star Wars The Old Republic beta, and then the game itself came out during the last part of December. I was really busy playing that for most of January and February – when I wasn’t working or building the new computer that I built. Then this month I’ve been busy playing Mass Effect 3. So it’s been a busy gaming time in my life lately.

Here’s a quick bullet list of events:

• Playing a lot of Star Wars The Old Republic since December – on the server Whitebeam Run. I run a guild called “Darkening of the Light”.
• I was in Princeton for the last week of December, and the first week of January. I spent a lot of time with Mom, as well as with Sheila (who I often refer to as Elisha). Sheila, Trey, and I watched a lot of Doctor Who together. It was a glorious time.
• I got a great 1080 HD Canon camcorder for Christmas, along with a Carolina Hurricanes Eric Staal Fathead and an almost 6 foot tall Tardis standee. Kick ass!
• I got a bad case of food poisoning from McDonald’s while I was in Princeton. I haven’t had McDonald’s since, and I don’t believe I will be having it again any time soon.
• During the Michigan / Virginia Tech game in January, the ESPN announcer said: “Well tomorrow Clemson plays another team from the state of Virginia – West Virgina!” Uh, no, idiot – I promise you that West Virginia and Virginia are *separate* states. He’s not alone in this mistake, though. So many people in Atlanta will say, “Hey, Brian, aren’t you from Virginia?” I’ll respond, “No – WEST Virginia.” Their response? “Ah, same thing!” NO! It’s NOT the same thing! Ugh!
• Speaking of the WVU vs Clemson Orange Bowl game, where most everyone didn’t think the Mountaineers had even the slightest hope of winning, WVU completely crushed and embarassed Clemson to the tune of 70 to 33! Let’s Go! ………………….. Mountaineers!
• One of my favorite bands, Van Halen, released a brand new album. Although I have always been more of a fan of the Sammy Hagar flavor of the band, I have to admit that I really like this new album. It’s called, “A Different Kind of Truth”, and I highly recommend it. The best songs on it, in my opinion are, “You and Your Blues”; “Big River”; “Tattoo”; “She’s the Woman”; “Blood and Fire”; and “The Trouble with Never”.
• I started exercising again, but I’ve been sporatic with it at best. I will eventually lose these 50 or so pounds that I want to lose!
• I built a brand new desktop computer that kicks all the ass in the universe – twice!  I put a solid state hard drive in it, and it’s so fast that after it POSTs it boots into Windows in about 7 seconds or so. Facebook pictures – click here!
• The Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl – again! LOL! Ah man I loved it! I’m definitely not a Giants fan, but I loathe the Patriots and love it every time they lose.
• Mass Effect 3 came out in March, and while the game itself is, for the most part, one of the best games I’ve ever played, the way it was released involves some major flaws and just flat out craziness. I will go into more detail on it in my next post.
• Please check out “The Top 77 82 Beautiful Women of 2011 link in the Pages section on the right. Or click here.

Well that’s about all that went on at the end of 2011, and all that’s been going on in 2012 so far. Outside of the daily routines of work and such of course. That’s about all I have to say for this post. Again, don’t forget to check out “The Top 82 Beautiful Women of 2011″ link in the Pages section on the right side of the page here. Thanks!

B

Been busy lately – I will find the time to make a lengthy post to recap later, but I don’t have much time right now. Right now all I want to do is post these two incredible tidbits so that I will never forget them.

Today, two brilliant stars in the sky asked two brilliant questions.

Question #1:

Why is my black and white printer not printing in color?

I am not kidding. Someone actually didn’t understand why this was happening. She was perplexed even.

Answer:

There are two reasons. #1: They call it a black and white printer for a reason. #2: You’re fired.

Question #2:

Why can’t I record my voice on my computer without first plugging in the microphone?

To give this person the benefit of the doubt, we had to find out whether this was a laptop or not – as many laptops have built in microphones. But, alas, he was referring to his desktop. Are you Scotty in Star Trek 4 or something? “Computer…..ah…..computer? We must draw up the schematics for transparent aluminum. Computer?” I can imagine him grabbing the mouse and trying to use it as a walkie-talkie. “Computer? Why can’t you hear me? Computer?” I’m sorry, but you’re fired as well.

Back to Kindergarten with you!

B

I started doing this so I could remember the little things that happened in any given day a year, a decade, a whatever from now. I suppose it’s not realistic for me to believe that I will definitely make time to do this every day, but still. It’s annoying that the days keep going by and I get more annoyed that I am getting behind. Then I get to the point where the little things start getting fuzzy. Like I said – annoying.

I’ve been all wrapped in DA2 lately – I suppose that’s pretty much all that’s been going on during the past several days. Been texting / chatting with the usual suspects. I haven’t been watching scary movies much like I usually do around this time every year. I’ve seen The Thing (2011), The Thing (1982), Alien, and Aliens. That’s it. Blah on me.

I haven’t been feeling well the past week or so either, but I’ve felt better today than I have in that time frame. I’m looking forward to my physical with my new Doctor on 11/9. I need to know where my blood pressure it at. I need to know where my cholesterol is at. Hell, I don’t even know what my blood type is. I’m going to be 43 soon – one month and one day, man. 43! I need to get on the ball with being more healthy. I have this great insurance. In the 5 years I’ve worked at Turner, I’ve only used my medical insurance once – when I had a kidney stone back in 2010. I should have been having physicals all this time. Anyway – at least I’m going to get it done soon.

My sister in law’s fantasy football team crushed my team this week to the tune of 158 to 211. Ugh. I stayed up until like 9 in the morning on Sunday playing DA2, and didn’t end up watching a lot of football that day anyway. At least DA2 is extremely awesome.

Well that’s all I can think of right now. See what I mean? Not much going on here, really. LOL – maybe it’s my subconscious saying that I don’t wanna remember most of these days LOL. I miss James, Mom, and Lee Jay. I miss Elisha. I can’t wait for Todd to come visit next month. I can’t wait for Christmas time when I go to visit the fam. I can’t wait for TOR to come out in less than two months!

That’s it folks – hopefully there will be more interesting things to remember tomorrow lol. Until then, when it’s all After the Fact!

B

Today was Thursday – 10/20/2011. I have the musical score from the film “Interview with the Vampire” in my head. I love that flick, and the score, by Elliot Goldenthal, is perhaps one of the most perfect movie scores I have ever heard. It evokes the gothic feel of the movie, not to mention Louis’ ongoing sense of horror and loneliness, so perfectly that the movie wouldn’t be the same without it. “Libera Me” is my favorite cue – it’s just absolutely brilliant. It’s also perfect autumn / Halloween music! My favorite time of the year!

Check out commonterry.tumblr.com to listen to “Libera Me”.

Thursday was a cool day, although I didn’t feel well most of the day. I think I have acid reflux disease because I just have constant heartburn sometimes. I’ve always had stomach / intestinal issues all my life though. It’s just annoying. Anyway – had a decent day today otherwise.

Work was decent. I IMd with Mom a lot and picked out the camcorder I want for Christmas. I can’t wait! I also chatted with Todd a lot on gmail. He’s planning to come up here in the middle of January for a concert, and I’m gonna go with him. Gonna see Dia Frampton – that will be fun. I texted with Elisha about “how is your day going” kind of stuff. It would have been an overall better day if I hadn’t felt nauseated and heart burned all freaking day long.

Got home tonight and didn’t set up my laptop, and didn’t play any DA2 either. Just layed on the couch and watched DVR stuff. Catching up on TV viewing. South Park was brilliant this week. I needed that laughter.

Well I’m thumbing this on my iPhone and my hands are going to sleep lol. Love this WordPress App though. Laying in bed in the dark and posting this.

Anyway – until next time when tomorrow will be After the Fact!

B

These days were Saturday through Wednesday – 10/15 through 10/19/2011. I have “Awake and Alive”, by Skillet; and “Love Walks In”, by Van Halen in my head tonight. Especially “Awake and Alive” – that song kicks ass.

“I’m at war with the world and they
try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I’m slipping from your arms

It’s getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last….”

Well I’ve been distracted for the past several days, so I will try to relate what went on during all this time. On Saturday I got up and did my bi-weekly shopping for groceries and such. This week I wanted to hit Best Buy and find some scary movies on Blu Ray I didn’t already have for my annual scary movie watching fest that happens from now through Halloween night. I also decided to go to GameStop and  turn in some PS3 games I knew I wasn’t going to play anymore and see if I could pick up a game or two with the store credit.

So I went to Best Buy and picked up Alien, Aliens, Friday the 13th remake (I really liked it!), Halloween 2 (the original 1981 version – not Rob Zombie’s just absolutely rancid remake. That was, hands down, the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life – although his Halloween 1 remake was kind of ok.), and Interview with the Vampire. I was hoping to be well on my way to starting my movie watching fest, but what I picked up at GameStop is what has had me distracted since Saturday evening.

I went to GameStop and traded in Madden 2011, MLB 2011 The Show, the first Assassin’s Creed, and the first Force Unleashed and got $35.90 store credit. I got so much because I’m a Powerup Card member, plus I agreed to put $5 down on Batman – Arkham City. So in return I bought used copies of Dragon Age 2 and Grand Theft Auto 4. I used to have GTA4, but I took my copy to my brother’s once and my nephew liked it so much that I let him keep it. So I bought those two games, plus the $5 down on Arkham city, and it all cost me just $10 after using up my store credit. LOL! That kicks so much ass! Anyway, it’s Dragon Age 2 that has been taking up all my free time since Saturday. I’ve been staying up way late every night playing it since then that I’ve found myself too tired to write in the blog here. Needless to say I am enjoying DA2 immensely! I highly recommend it to any RPG fan for sure.

So that was pretty much my entire Saturday – I went to Best Buy, Game Stop, Target, and Publix. Then I made dinner and played DA2 the rest of the day / night. On Sunday I watched football all day, and then played DA2 all night – after Sunday Night Football of course. On Monday I worked from home and watched Monday Night Football, and then played DA2 the rest of the night. My fantasy football team, The Time Lords, beat The Frighteners this week to the tune of  219 to 188. So I had a great FFL week, yay for me! Tuesday I worked from home and played DA2 after my shift. Wednesday saw me get a severe headache, I believe it was due to lack of sleep (shame on me), so I didn’t go to work. I slept in and played DA2 some, but went to bed fairly early. Now it’s Thursday, and I’m at work writing this right now. But more on Thursday when I write the entry for 10/20.

Anyway – that is what has been going on with me. I haven’t been watching my DVR shows, so I know that is horribly backed up right now. I’m debating on whether I want to go home and try to catch that up, or play more DA2. I will probably try to catch that up. I hate the feeling of being so far behind on my shows, and my DVR free space is shrinking I know. Shame on me. I need to manage my time better, which also primarily includes me forcing myself to get more sleep. I can’t keep doing this to myself – I’m not in my twenties any more. I know I am kicking my health in the balls right now. I need to cut this shite out.

Anyway – been communicating well with Elisha over these days. Also communicating with Todd via texting and gmail, and my bro here and there as well. Been IMing with Mom, and a bit with Danielle. The Hurricanes played the Bruins again this past Tuesday, and the Hurricanes won again! Danielle was not pleased lol, but I thought it was brilliant, of course. Oh – almost forgot – on Monday night me and Elisha tested my Murmur server using our respective Mumble clients and it worked like a charm! I’m just wondering how it will work when a bunch of people connect to it. I need to get the others the info on it and see how many people I can get talking on it at once. We will see….

That’s all I can think of right now, so I’m going to wrap this up. Until next time when it all will be After the Fact!

B