Why the original Mass Effect 3 endings are rancid

I saw a tweet today where someone couldn’t understand why so many think the end of Mass Effect 3 is bad, and they asked for someone to explain it to them. This is my acceptance of that challenge.

Imagine a world where the only Star Wars movies that ever came out were the original trilogy. In this world, there’s no such thing as the Empire or the Emperor. The primary adversary is Darth Vader, who commands the entire fleet, Death Stars, everything. He’s the driving force behind the enemy (Reapers for instance), and Luke is our hero (Shep for instance). This is the story through 2 and a half movies.

Then, suddenly, about halfway through Return of the Jedi they start dropping hints that Darth Vader isn’t in charge. But these hints are so subtle, and few, that they don’t really drive the narrative. Then, in the last 15 minutes of Return of the Jedi, suddenly we find out that Vader is just a puppet. Here’s the Emperor, and he’s untouchable. Our hero can’t fight him. All Luke can do is either:

1) Become the new Darth Vader, and perhaps attempt to use that power for good? Maybe? If he doesn’t end up being controlled by the Emperor in the end? Who knows? Do you really believe the Emperor (Starchild) is honest and trustworthy?;

2) Force every creature in the galaxy to become half Luke and half Darth Vader, without their consent or knowledge or desire (DNA rape in other words);

or 3) Destroy the Death Star and Imperial Fleet, but it ends up destroying some of the Rebel fleet and all their droids as well.

There’s not much of a sense of triumph at the end. No sense of: YES! Everything we’ve been driving towards for two and half games gets thrown out the window, in favor of a completely different narrative that comes mostly out of left field. And WHY?! WHY was this done?! We had a great driving narrative set up already! We are here to chew bubble gum, and kick Reaper ass, and we’re all out of bubble gum! We didn’t need this Starchild pseudo-intellectual bullshit “ending”!

So, yeah, everything we’ve spent so many hours driving towards ends up with…… this?! So the Illusive Man was right all along, and we should control the Reapers? Or we should rape the entire galaxy’s DNA?! Or we should allow EDI and The Geth to die, even if we’re best friends with them?! And we’re supposed to be okay with the fact that the Normandy crash lands on some unknown planet, with perhaps no way of repairing the ship and escaping – plus we don’t know if everyone survived the crash. Why is this awesome? Why is this heroic?

I don’t want to live in a world where The Illusive Man’s way is just and right and necessary. I have absolutely no idea why anyone considers the end of ME3 to be fun, inspiring, or in any other way satisfying. I’m dumbfounded at people who enjoy it, or in any way defend it. It’s the biggest pile of shit of all time. It completely ruins the entire trilogy for me. It’s clear to me that without Drew Karpyshyn’s influence, Mac Walters and Casey Hudson had very little sense of proper narrative design, and cared more about forcing themselves and their philosophies into the narrative instead of allowing the story to tell itself. Would we still be talking about Star Wars, in any positive light, if this is how the trilogy came to an end?

Thankfully modders came to the rescue. Because of the following mods, I can play an ME3 that doesn’t suck moosecock. “Backoff”, “Citadel Epilogue Mod”, “ME3 Recalibrated”, “MEHEM”, “Shorter Dreams”, and “Extended Final Anderson Conversation”.

I wholeheartedly recommend replaying ME3 with them installed. If, after that, you still think the original ME3 is better, then – well all I can say is to each their own. You can live your life, and I will live mine, and never the twain shall meet….