I Can Believe It — from my Xanga pages.

Monday, January 24, 2005

I Can Believe It

I’ve been meaning to write this account of my Christmas holiday and “is it a new year already?!” entry for quite some time, but other interests have kept me occupied. Namely all the great stuff that Mom got me for Christmas (Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 2 and Madden 2005 rule – thanks Mom!) My XBOX has been busy lately.

But I wanted to write something and say how good it feels to have 2004 behind me. It wasn’t a great year. It wasn’t even a decent year. Even compared to 2003, which I spent mostly struggling after I lost my lucrative job with Earthlink trying to find another job, 2004 was an even more horrible year for reasons that should be obvious. Here’s to hoping for better things out of 2005 – although with a crummy Patriots vs Eagles Super Bowl on the horizon 2005 isn’t starting off on a good note. I’ll have more on that later.

I find it amusing that every year on January first we always tell each other how much we can’t believe it that another year has come and gone so fast. Why is it that we can’t believe it every year? Does it really seem like 2004 went by faster than 2003? Not really – at least not for me. I just want to say here and now that I can believe it. I’m happy to believe it. I’m comfortable with the passing days, living my life and experiencing everything. Even in the times that experiencing life is a rancid feeling at best.

I’m happy to leave behind the times where the days seemed to crawl. Those are the days where you are not living life for yourself. You’re not making your own decisions, by and large, and you often can’t do what you want to do. It’s when you start making your own decisions, being out on your own (for better and for worse), that life starts to pick up and pass at an amazing speed. I like it. I’ve enjoyed it and I’m sure I will continue to do so. We all should.

Nothing can really beat living out the course of your own life, can it? We all say we clamor for the days when things in our lives were simpler. But do any of you really want to go back to the times where you weren’t really in control of your own life? Your days were scheduled by your parents and the local school system? I certainly don’t. This is your life, folks, and the only one you’re going to get. The days passing you by are a good thing – so enjoy it.

Live your life. Establish a reason for your existence with the others around you. Don’t do it the injustice of not believing in it. Enjoy it. Live it. Be happy with it. It is, after all, your life.

In any event, my Christmas was a blast. Every Christmas is for our family, though, and it really isn’t about all the things we give each other. It’s just being together and experiencing the time with one another. For instance, my highlight for Christmas isn’t about something I was given or a present that I gave to someone else. My highlight for Christmas involves my nephew James.

We were watching a football game on Christmas Eve – the Vikings vs the Packers. It was a game the Packers won, but I have no idea how they did it because they played horrible defense. Their players were missing tackles left and right and honestly looked like a bunch of pre-teens on the field who had no idea what tackling actually was. I wasn’t really pulling for either team, but the sorry display of defense so offended me I had to make a comment about it.

“Dang these guys just cannot tackle to save their lives,” I said. Then I looked over at James and said, “James – you need to show these guys how to tackle! You need to jump through the TV and tackle someone!”

James pointed his little 3-year old finger at me and with a sly grin replied, “I’ll tackle YOU!”

The house exploded with laughter at that, of course, and it was then that I at the same time had overwhelming feelings of joy and a little sorrow as well. It was a typical Terry thing to say. It’s something that I can easily hear Lee Jay say, myself say, and of course Dad say. I look at him and he’s like the three of us all rolled into one being.

The cycle of life is an amazing thing. It made me miss Dad. James has that look in his eyes, like Dad had, that says, “I am the King and you know it.” Lee Jay has it too. I think it’s the one thing that I love the most about them all. Some things in life are so difficult that you need that swagger, that belief in yourself, to survive and land on your feet. You gotta believe, folks, you gotta believe it. Hail to the King, baby.

So that was the highlight of my holiday. I hope everyone else, who wasn’t there with us during this time, had just as much of a blessed time as we did. But the holiday came and left, as it always does, and 2005 arrived soon thereafter. And here we are – in another year with unknown twists and curves ahead. I’m ready for them – not only for my craving to explore the unknown but also for my desire to leave 2004 behind. I’m happy to be doing just that right now.

It’s 2005. 2004 went by so fast. So what? It’s not such a bad thing. It’s the cycle of life. It can be rough and often horrible, but there are also many magical moments to savor. Can you believe it? I think we need to.

Beyond all of this, I just want to express my sincere disgust at how the 2004 NFL Season is coming to an end. It’s depressing enough when my favorite sport wraps up another season, and the reality sinks in that we have to seven months for another regular season to commence, but this year it’s twice as awful. Why? Because the one outcome that I have expressed ALL YEAR that I didn’t want to happen has now come to fruition. The two teams I loathe the most are going to the Super Bowl. It’s going to be the Patriots vs the Eagles. Blah. Vomit. Ack! Sigh. I’ve said all year that if this happened that I probably wouldn’t even watch the game. However, I now take that back.

I don’t remember the last time I missed a Super Bowl. I think I’ve seen every one since Super Bowl 15. I vividly remember watching that game at Granny’s house on her little back and white TV. It was the Eagles vs the Raiders that season – again two teams I couldn’t care less about. But it was football. I remember Lee Jay and I enjoyed watching Kenny King and the Raiders beat the crap out of the Eagles (we were both HUGE Cowboys fans back then, and the Eagles are in the same division with the Cowboys). So despite the fact that I don’t care which team wins the Super Bowl, and in fact wish there was some way for BOTH of them to LOSE, I will still watch the game. I can’t stop watching now.
My attitude has changed a little since Super Bowl 15, however. I still don’t like the Eagles, yes, but I’m no longer a Cowboys fan. I do, however, hate the Patriots. I think I hate the Patriots more than I have ever hated anything sports related in my whole life. So instead of pulling for a team to win Super Bowl 39, I’m going to pull for a team to lose. So here’s to the Patriot not only losing this game, but getting beat so badly that they forget how to play the game not only next season – but FOREVER! No more Patriot Super Bowls, PLEASE! NO MORE! AAGGGGHH!

That’s all I have to say for now. Hopefully the rest of 2005 will not suck as much as Super Bowl 39. Indeed, I wish an astounding New Year to everyone! Take care and I hope to see you all again soon….

B

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