Journal (or 8/24/2011)

A while ago, I announced my “retirement” from the written blog, and a movement into a new direction of vlogging instead. Well after one hour long vlog I’ve realized that I really don’t want to do that. It was fun, mind you, but I don’t think it’s the way I want to go about expressing myself. I need better editing of my thoughts, and I think in the written word rather than the spoken word. It’s better for me to post my thoughts, and edit them to be more clear and concise, by writing them out.

However, I don’t really want to go back to the days of posting novella length blog posts either. I’m going to try to move in the direction of just making this a sort of daily journal where I will post the events of the day, and I’m sure my comments about things along the way. The trouble with making this a journal is that I can’t really post my deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings – without being at least somewhat obtuse. This isn’t a private space, and I don’t want it to be. Anyone in the frakking world can read this. There are things I can’t say – feelings I can’t reveal. Not bare in the vampire dusting sunlight anyway.

I usually use poetry to say things I don’t want to plainly say, and I’m sure I will continue doing that, but just fair warning – there will sometimes be things you will read here that will not make sense to you. Or maybe they will, or you will think they are making sense. Just move along when you come to them. Don’t ask me about them. I won’t tell you. Unless you’re my brother or Mom, Elisha, Todd, or James – someone really close to me. Then maybe I’ll tell you. It depends – no promises. Don’t try to force your perception of what I’m saying on me – regardless of who you are. I’m likely not interested in your perception of my reality, unless you’re one of the above folks.

So here begins the new format.

Today was Wednesday – 8/24/2011. Songs that most closely matches my mood = “In the Air Tonight” – Phil Collins; “Alive” – Pearl Jam. I’m feeling manically melancholy.

I woke up when I wanted to today – around 1:35p. After 42 years I still can’t seem to find the right balance with having peace with the time I go to bed (feeling I have accomplished enough for the day), and getting enough sleep. I have an app on my iPhone that I use as an alarm, but it’s cool in so much that it can keep track of what time a go to sleep and wake up every day. Then it keeps track of this information, and tells me how many hours I’ve slept that day, and avg per week, month, and year. It’s pretty cool. I went to bed yesterday at 7:33a and got up at 1:39p. That’s 6.1 hours of sleep – not enough. I was feeling it, too. But there are nights where I will be thinking, “Damn I’m SO tired,” and then I find something else I want to do and lose track of time. Blah. I really need to work on this. I need to start getting more sleep; I’m not getting any younger.

Everything went right while I was getting ready for work as well, surprisingly enough. I was able to leave at 2:18p, which meant that I should be early arriving for work. And I did – I got to work at 2:51p, which is 9 minutes early. I was pleased. 3p to 12a went well – it was by and large a nebulous free day. I was able to help a lot of people correct various I.T. problems, working out technology puzzles, and answering questions that folks needed answered. It’s these things that I love about my job, and today was a great day of doing it.

The only truly annoying thing that happened at some point during the 24 hours that made up 8/24 was I had to jack-in to the Matrix and download a new lesson. Periodically the Matrix feels the need to publish, and then require, everyone to jack-in  and download courses directly into our brains  to “teach” us things that should be obvious to even the most brain dead of the living. In the real world it’s never learning something awesome like Kung-Fu. Nope – this one “taught” me how Social Media (Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc) benefits the Matrix, and how I should behave online – even on this place, my own blog. I mean, if that’s not ridiculously arrogant audacity, I don’t know what is.

But it’s a reflection of what society has become over the years. God forbid that we “offend” anyone. God forbid we stop rewarding losers with ribbons just because we want to coddle everyone. This, and similar actions, have resulted in a world where everyone thinks they’re entitled to everything they think they deserve. Now we live in the world where “perception is reality” isn’t just a cliche. Just because someone has a perception, even if it’s mistaken, we can’t simply tell them – “Uh, no, your perception doesn’t equal reality.” Politically Correct behaviors are ruining the world. I’m not immune to any of this – I often feel like I’m entitled to everything I think I deserve. I also often feel like my argument is the only valid one. I’m trying to stop, though.

The land of the free and the home of the brave? This is not freedom, exactly, and there’s nothing brave about being gigantic whiners. Offend people – that’s life, losers. Life doesn’t spend it’s time picking you flowers, does it? Life is difficult. Life is complicated. People who whine about their perceptions being reality just need to be corrected – why is this not the answer?! Why do we have to worry about nonsense? Why can’t we have faith that the truth will champion us in the end? Why do we coddle perception, and therefore ultimately champion it? If you don’t correct people when they’re wrong, then they’ll just go through their whole lives being ignorant. We really should be more concerned with truth and correction, than whether some screaming vagina is offended or not.

The world has really changed so much from the 70s to what it is now. I’m hoping that 30-40 years from now, we will have found some balance between celebrating freedom and actual reality, and placating the masses. We’ve gone from one extreme to another. There has to be a balance in here somewhere. Hopefully we will find the answer before everyone becomes a screaming vagina.

Where in the constitution, or the law, does it say that we have to care about everyone’s perception of someone else’s reality?

Anyway – besides that totally irredeemable bit of lunacy, my day went well. I chatted with Mom and Todd online, and got some texts from Todd.

One of my cousins’ wife had a brain tumor, and had surgery today to remove it. The news is everything went well, and the doctors seem hopeful that it’s not malignant. I’m praying her, and for my cousin and their child.

Got an email from Elisha – that always makes me smile. It was just a few words, but still – it was awesome. I miss her so much every day.

Well writing this, and watching TV at the same time, has taken entirely much more time than it should have. It is 4:36a now. I wanted to go for a jog tonight – I need the exercise. Well, more of a combo of walking and jogging. The idea is to keep my heart rate steady to promote weight loss – not to press myself in to the cardio zone. I’m not sure if I will go now or not. Blah.

I want to play some Mass Effect.

Check out my tumblr page at I’m going to post a pic of me, or something, that I take at the time I’m writing that reflects my current mood of the day every time I make a post in this Blogernal. Or is it a Jourblog? Something like that.

Until tomorrow…..

———————Journal Ends Here – old blog from this point———————

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