True Love?

Wow it’s been so long since I posted anything here. I guess I don’t get inspired to write nearly as often I used to. Well, anyway, here it goes.

I play a game called Miitomo, Google it if you want to know more about it. In short, it’s a game that asks you questions about yourself, or your philosophies, so that other people can get to know you via social media in a way that might take years of hanging out in real life – or at least months. At least, that’s what it seems like to me. Anyway – today it asked me this question, and I felt that 180 characters wasn’t enough to appropriately answer it.

“If true love exists, where do you find it?” This is my response.

Romantic love is a binary state of existence. In other words, it isn’t a singularity. It isn’t enough for you to love someone; they have to love you back as well, and with a general consistency in the way that you love them. Love doesn’t perpetuate itself. It requires both people to fully commit and engage for it to work. If only one person works at it, then it’s more about selfishness on one side and obsession on the other. If neither person works at it, then WTF are you doing? See below where I talk about wasting time.

Too many people waste months / years of their life on someone who hurts them (cheaters, liars, abusers – either physically or emotionally or both, or people who just don’t put effort into the relationship) in the name of “love”. You can feel whatever you want to for someone, but if they don’t treat you the same way consistently (no one is perfect, but you know what I mean) then that isn’t love – no matter what you say or think or feel. That’s you being obsessed with what you want the situation to be, rather than recognizing reality, and them taking advantage of you and being selfish, or perhaps them not really caring either way. You can feel free to not appreciate reality, but reality is still reality whether you appreciate it or not.

To find true love, you have to find it in yourself first and foremost. You have to be willing and ready to value someone else more than you value yourself. Only then will it even matter if you’re lucky enough to find someone who is willing and ready to do the same for you. If you ever find that, then you have to treasure that more than gold.

Society is all about “what have you done for me lately”, rather than, “What can I do to make you happy?” True love should be two people who always (or as often as possible – again no one is perfect) ask themselves what they can do to make the person they love happy. That way, both of you are happy as often as possible.

People who understand this concept actually understand love, at least the way I define it. Finding someone who actually understands love almost never happens – at least in my experience. If you find it then I suggest you never let it go, and always do everything you can to best live up to your end of the equation. Again, recognizing that no one is perfect. It’s okay to forgive, but, again, consistency is key here. Someone who loves you will not consistently hurt you, or fall short of treating you the way you treat them. Don’t cheat yourself and make excuses for someone who doesn’t work to treat you the way you treat them.

The movie “Wedding Crashers” has the best all time quote about what true love is: “True love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.” Wait until you find that, and you both treat each other with that kind of reverence, and then call that true love. Otherwise, you’re wasting your time. Life’s too short to waste your time. Okay?

B

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